Saturday, July 02, 2011

growth

if you're paying attention, there is some little nugget of goodness in every day. sometimes the nugget is so surprising, when you first see it, you didnt know you needed it, you werent looking for it, you blink twice that you even thunk it...yet its there and it frees up a whole passel of stuff holding back other nuggets.
decoded? i think i dont need to hate my ex anymore. i'm good. i'm okay letting it all go, 17 years later. i can even let myself recall why i liked him. and THAT hasnt happened once, not for a second in all this time.
trigger? not sure except a donna the buffalo song brought it on. and now i recall his face or persona running through a recent dream or two. meaning? all good. my life is good, i'm deliriously happy with the man i deserve, career is changing for the good, and well i just dont have anything i need to hate on anymore. sure i'm in debt, and can't find the dream job, but that's all small stuff. and i just dont need to carry it around anymore.
i learned a lot, got tougher, found my inner b@!tch, coasted thru several great chapters of life, dodged a few, and now i have it all. so yes, i'm lettin all that wounded, shocked, disbelief go too. it happens and i wasnt the first or the last. but it wasnt my doin and i aint carrying it around no more. whew. finally. wonder if i should lift his burdens too?